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YOU are Transgender!

If you want to be. If you think you are. If you think you might be. You could own it!! You can identify as trans! I'm gonna talk about trans identify gatekeeping and you're gonna love it. I am neither a Trans Expert™ or The Arbiter of Transness™ because these things don't exist, but I am gonna tell you things that should make you skeptical of those who say they do; even when it's coming from your own brain.
BTW if you're already confident in your transness then this isn't written for you, but maybe you'll enjoy it anyways :)

"I'm not trans enough—"

...is something I hear from a lot of friends and acquaintances hesitant to assert themselves and/or their understanding of gender, and I always try to say "I THINK YOU'RE TRANS ENOUGH!", but I get it. Sometimes it's people who are feeling things about their body or the gendered societal roles put upon them who think that that's just how it is. Sometimes it's people who've been feeling like maybe they'd like to try different pronouns, or maybe they've already been using a little they/them on the side but still don't feel like they should identify with or group themselves with the Transgender Community™. Sometimes it's people who've been out as non-binary and using exclusively they/them pronouns for years but don't feel "trans enough" to identify as trans because they don't have dysphoria, or don't take hormones, or they dress in a way that's conventional for the gender they were assigned at birth, or they don't correct people who misgender them.

I've heard all of these things from more people than I can count, and like... you don't have to identify as trans if you actually don't want to, but it breaks my heart a little because I often hear it said with that bit of melancholy and the desire to be understood, accepted, or belong. That bit fills my heart with overwhelming fire because for every single one of them, I could write a personalized essay about why it's good and ok for them to identify as trans if they want to!!

So that's sort of what this is.

I feel like I personally hear these kind of sentiments a lot because I don't shut the fuck up about gender, I'm a little silly with it, and because in a lot of people's eyes I embody basically everything they'd imagine a Real Valid Trans Person, eg:

But lemme tell ya: from my perspective, not a single one of these things makes me even the slightest bit more trans than you. Yes, you specifically. I'll talk about my reasoning in a bit, but first I want to talk about some of those hesitations I mentioned earlier. They mostly all go away with time after seeing people contradict them, but I'm a contrarian little bitch so let's try to expedite that process real quick.

Pronouns: Take em or leave em

You can and should do literally whatever you feel is good in your heart when it comes to your own pronouns. You don't owe anybody jack shit for pronouns. You can use different pronouns in different contexts, with different people, in different online spaces. You can use multiple pronouns, neo-pronouns, or no pronouns. You can change your pronouns literally anytime you want with anybody you want! When I was figuring out I was genderfluid some of my friends would just ask me every day what pronouns I'd like them to use for me that day.

You also don't even need to change your pronouns to be trans! If you like the pronouns everybody has been using for you forever, keep em!! In my personal opinion, the most important thing is that you are the one deciding what pronouns feel best for yourself.

No dysphoria: NO PROBLEM

This one I feel like is personally the easiest to debunk because I've been seeing people do it since I was a teenager, but it's still prevalent. Experiencing gender dysphoria doesn't help you know that you're trans, and definitely isn't a requirement for it. It can help inform you about the most pressing things for you to work towards changing, but generally gender dysphoria just makes you feel like shit about yourself. No amount of feeling like shit about yourself will lead you to "I am transgender" without an understanding of where it comes from, which IMO predicates the real eye-opener: ✨ ~Gender Euphoria~ ✨.

I didn't know why I hated every part of my body and was terrified of being in a gendered romantic relationship until I was in a non-gendered romantic relationship that encouraged me to think about what my gender meant for myself. I found some transition timelines on YouTube which made me experience gender euphoria for the first time, it was huge! Discovering the possibility that things could be different was what cracked my egg, suffocating from underneath the shell did not. Gender euphoria is great and it's worth mentioning that anything can give you gender euphoria! Clothing, social dynamics, art, whatever.

I am constantly making the always funny joke where I point at something and say "Gender", but it's especially funny with my cis coworkers because I can feel them slowly catching on that this gender euphoria bit is what I'm alluding to. Yes, the 30-eyed spider lizard devouring the white house is gender, I'm seeing it and getting gender euphoria. I wanna embody that.
(Sometimes though the joke is also that the spider lizard represents gender too, the ambiguity is what makes it funny)

You do not, in fact, need to physically alter your body

BOLDING and saying it again because you do not need to physically alter your body to be trans!! You don't have to take hormones, you don't have to get any surgeries, you don't have to work out, you don't have to change your wardrobe, nothing! Some people do some things, some do others, and some don't do anything! There are no rules when it comes to self-expression and just like with pronouns, it's entirely up to personal preference. Some people start taking hormones and then stop, and then maybe start again. Some people change their minds about wanting surgeries. I was on the waitlist to get bottom surgery for 4 years before they called me to check in and in that time I decided I didn't want it anymore, and nobody cared.
Actually my dad cared but that was a him problem and it was really silly and dramatic. Don't take that shit seriously.

Goes without saying, but there are real consequences for changing your body in some ways! I was on 4x the max dose of one of the worst T-blocker for years before a competent doctor took me off them, and there were consequences for it. That said, I would do it again in a heartbeat if it was between that or not starting HRT at all, but these are the decisions you weigh for yourself. Nobody is entitled to telling you what you should or shouldn't do to your body. If anybody tells you otherwise, you can tell them to fuck off on my behalf. I know a lot of trans people who don't take hormones because they'll have some effects on their bodies that they don't desire. Nobody knows your body like you, nobody knows your gender like you, therefore you do not need to physically alter your body to be trans.

Ya balance what ya can express with what ya wanna express

Gender is a song and dance, and YOU pick the the music and the moves! That said, sometimes not everyone around you is on your wavelength and it's not worth picking the music and the moves, and that's ok. I don't know a single trans person who hasn't been in 1 million billion social situations where they have to keep their transness on the dl so as to not experience some kind of incident. Doesn't make you less trans, it's extremely common.

THAT SAID, if you want to express yourself and your gender in the way that unsuspecting cis people wouldn't bat an eye at, THAT doesn't make you any less trans either! It is in fact so crucial that you express yourself in the way that's true to yourself, because I feel like another somewhat common experience when first exploring gender is what my friend Heather has called "gender fishhook theory" lmao. The tendency to over-correct for your ideal gender expression by abandoning everything that you associated with your assigned gender, including everything that you actually did enjoy.
I dated a self-identified Alpha Male cis man for a year and a half who I'd only wear cutesy clothes around and perform femininity and it was shit. 2/10 would not recommend.

I feel like generally when you're on this track, you come around the bend of the fishhook once you've established some solid confidence in your gender and/or presentation, but there's really something to be said for just not going through it at all. It CAN be really fun to do... but it's definitely more fun after you've already got that confidence in your baseline gender, and now you're just fucking around with it instead of being driven by the anxiety of continuing to be Perceived in The Old Way. I love dressing masc these days, it's hot girl shit.

If you're worried that being comfortable and happy in the way you've historically presented makes you "less trans": don't be! I know a ton of trans people who were already generally happy with how they presented before they knew they were trans. You're experiencing gender actualization and that's the goal, babey! Being trans isn't about suffering :)

Ok so am I trans enough?

YES!! Again, if you feel the desire to identify with it. You can probably see the pattern I'm not being subtle about, but if not let me tell you one last thing about two trans artists and educators who were incredibly important to forming my understanding of transness and trans identity: Cara Tierney and Behc Jax-Lynx. Cara was my TA for my WGST class during my 1 year of uni, and Behc gave a trans youth support info workshop for teachers that my mom attended which directly led to my coming out to my family. Coincidentally, after I dropped out of uni the two of them came to my small rural hometown to run a couple trans info workshops at the library, and a lot of stars aligned leading to me sitting in on an interview they did with a sweet guy named Allan Brown. It was a formative experience for me, and there's a bit from Cara I'd like to transcribe for you from Allan's recording I have saved.

For context, it's the last question of the interview and they're asked if there are any stats on how many people are transgender in the world. Behc deconstructs the presumptions made by the question before Cara adds:

... It also begs the question: How do we define trans? Who are we counting as trans? Some people probably imagine that answer to be: "people who have medically transitioned", right? People tend to see things rather starkly, at times. Others... the activist who sort of opened my eyes, and really blew my mind open was Kate Bornstein, who says "Well who's trans? Anyone who transes the gender barrier. Anybody who transgresses the gender they were assigned at birth." and y'know what? It doesn't take very much to do that. In fact, one could probably build an argument that most of us are transing our gender barriers all day, every day, in little ways. And then Bornstein also says like, "We're not gonna deny membership. Come on over!"

This has stuck with me for the last 7 years, and I believe it with my whole heart. IMO, even the basic act of identifying as transgender transgresses the gender barrier. It's no simple feat! Especially these days, identifying as trans is increasingly difficult and dangerous and I welcome anyone willing to do it with open arms.

Embodying Binary Gender™ is an impossible standard driven by capitalists and imperialists to sell more gender and bombs. It's so viciously policed that you really could classify any "normal" amount of gender expression as not-binary enough to identify as cis. Hell, we see this all the time now with those dumb fuck batshit bathroom bills that seem like they're impacting more women who are cis than trans who aren't preforming femininity strongly enough for transphobic freaks.

There are no requirements to be trans. It's all fake and trans people tend to be some of the most understanding and supporting of gender exploration out there. Being trans is about doing only and exactly what you want to do with your gender, no matter how much or how little that aligns with traditional gender roles. I would even argue that there is no such real thing as a "gender transition" that you could point at and mark the start or end of. We're all learning and growing and our understanding of gender and ourselves are growing along side us! Hell I could also argue that we're all experiencing Gender Transition as one of the many transitions we'll constantly experience over the course of our lives; no matter what labels we use to describe where we're currently at.

Also important to note: you're allowed to stop identifying as trans at literally any time if you want to! It's fine and cool! Right-wingers can try to sensationalize "detransition" by giving grifters airtime, but here in reality it's actually fine and chill and not a big deal! Gender exploration is a journey no matter where it takes you, and anybody who embarks on it learns it pretty fast. You would be surprised about how many cis people I know who identified as trans (or considered it) for a period of time, experimented with gender, learned more about themselves, and came to the conclusion that their gender can actually be encompassed in the gender they were assigned at birth and decided that they'd like to stick with it! I have SO much respect for these people, because no matter the outcome, the process of gender introspection and evaluation results in a lot of perspective and understanding. Honestly I personally feel like I can talk to any of them about gender or trans shit just as easily as I can with other trans people.

Anyways, there's my spiel on trans self-identification. I know that sometimes people need to hear that it's ok to identify as trans from someone as vocally and visibly trans as me, and I will give them that permission enthusiastically every single time. Hopefully in writing out all the thoughts and reasoning behind my perspective, it'll sit with people enough that once they've internalized it, they can do the same for other people with the same fervor and confidence. Important to share that love and acceptance!!

I love all you cis people and trans people and people figuring it out! Don't talk to cops about your gender.
Both literal cops and people who try to police your gender :)

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